Clik here to view.
Evenings are the Worst
I thought it was just me, but then in group the other day the therapist called 9pm the "witching hour" - Â the evening time when all the urges and addictions take over and all of the resolve to withhold...
View ArticleClik here to view.
my dad
My assignment is to write about my dad, my relationship with my dad, my memories of my dad, and how that all might affect my life now. Big assignment, and I've been putting it off all week.I have the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
GAD
So, I figured out today that I totally have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. No official diagnosis, but based on the handout we got today I've had this for as long as I can remember. It explains SO...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Reducing Benzo's
I want my life back. I want to drive again. I want to be present and engaged with my son, and my husband. I want to go back to work. I want these things desperately. Like seriously I want these things...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Clik here to view.
an alternative treatment plan
I called in sick to the outpatient program today. I really just needed a break to catch my breath and be home by myself. I haven't been alone in over two months. It was so needed. It feels...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Mountains
We made it to the mountains. I wanted it but didn't believe it would actually happen. But here I am, sitting on the deck, listening to the frogs sing songs of a winter gone by too quickly. Although I...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Cognitive Distortions -top 5, i mean 7.
My homework this last weekend was to identify the top five cognitive distortions I identify with and write about them. The Distortions that I most identify with are:Fallacy of Change - Expecting that...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Giving as Addiction
My assignment yesterday was to answer a series of questions intended to get at the underlying issues of why we participate in addictive behaviors to distract us from our anxiety. I had a really hard...
View ArticleClik here to view.
space to be devistated
SO I'm in this 'intensive outpatient hospital' program because I had what can best be described as a nervous breakdown after our chemical pregnancy. I am glad that it is not 12- step based and know...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Fatalistic Thinking - on Mother's Day no less.
I cried the whole way to celebrate Mother's Day yesterday. It was a long drive, about an hour. It wasn't that I am not grateful for the little voice in the backseat that wouldn't stop talking, but I am...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Asking for Too Much
What do I need Right Now?I need to be heard. I need to feel like I have an ally, someone on my side. I need to not be stuck in a tiny room full of fucked up energy all morning.I need to be in a healing...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Regrets, Requests, Appreciations
AMENDS/REGRETSI want to make amends for:holding so much anger feeling so much betrayal about your decision to drink again.the fact that you had to take on so much of little Fox's care responsibilities...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Shopping for Plus-Sized clothing Sucks
I will be attending a few high profile events next week that require me to wear professional attire. Normally this would be a challenge, because I am lucky enough to have a typical wardrobe of jeans...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Feeling SO MUCH Better
I spent this morning reading back through my posts of the past couple months. The timeline was much longer in my head, and I was thankful to have some of my thinking documented along with the dates...
View ArticleClik here to view.
falling apart.
It's all falling apart. Tonight he told me that if I couldn't accept and love him, including his drinking, that I could move out. I told him that if he was serious about that then he should give our...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Winter Approaching
What a year it's been. Â I'll be glad to bid farewell to 2016 in the same way I counted the days until the end of 2009. But I'm surviving.My sister delivered her twins yesterday. They are simply...
View ArticleClik here to view.
when
When do things cross the point of no return?When do you reach the point at which a decision has been made, even if you haven't made a decision?I'm struggling tonight. about our remaining embryo. about...
View ArticleClik here to view.
time for a blog remodel
I read a book this weekend. I rarely ever read anymore, and rarely ever finish a book when I start one. This one was like reading candy, it was really easy, and make me feel like I am not alone. Life...
View ArticleOpen Wounds
Love Warrior Glennon Doyle Melton wrote: "Make sure you're sharing from your scars, not your open wounds" and I agree, but how do you get the support and encouragement you need to heal when you are...
View ArticleClik here to view.
How Are You?
I found the Momastary blog after reading 'Love Warrior'. I loved Glennon's book and was desperate to consume more of her wisdom and beauty.One of her posts from way back in 2014 includes a list of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
For Me.
Microblog MondaysI did a few things just for me this week.On Thursday I let my sister talk me into going on a cruise, my her and my mom. I desperately needed something to look forward to.On Saturday I...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Survivor
Reflecting on the loss of a deeply wanted pregnancy a year ago today. Lots of big complicated feelings to unravel. Picking up the pieces of shattered dreams is never easy and it's taken a serious toll...
View ArticleClik here to view.
A new start
Not sure where it goes from here, but it's a new start in any case.I really do want to believe that the past can be repaired and healed, but I'm not sure.And as much as my resolve deepens that the past...
View ArticleClik here to view.
What do I really think...
So many thoughts fly through my head.I try to catch them, but they are sneaky and slippery.Last night, I looked at airbnb for monthly rentals.Maybe I still need more space when he comes home.He asked...
View Article