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What do I really think...
So many thoughts fly through my head.I try to catch them, but they are sneaky and slippery.Last night, I looked at airbnb for monthly rentals.Maybe I still need more space when he comes home.He asked...
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A new start
Not sure where it goes from here, but it's a new start in any case.I really do want to believe that the past can be repaired and healed, but I'm not sure.And as much as my resolve deepens that the past...
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Survivor
Reflecting on the loss of a deeply wanted pregnancy a year ago today. Lots of big complicated feelings to unravel. Picking up the pieces of shattered dreams is never easy and it's taken a serious toll...
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For Me.
Microblog MondaysI did a few things just for me this week.On Thursday I let my sister talk me into going on a cruise, my her and my mom. I desperately needed something to look forward to.On Saturday I...
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How Are You?
I found the Momastary blog after reading 'Love Warrior'. I loved Glennon's book and was desperate to consume more of her wisdom and beauty.One of her posts from way back in 2014 includes a list of...
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Love Warrior Glennon Doyle Melton wrote: "Make sure you're sharing from your scars, not your open wounds" and I agree, but how do you get the support and encouragement you need to heal when you are...
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time for a blog remodel
I read a book this weekend. I rarely ever read anymore, and rarely ever finish a book when I start one. This one was like reading candy, it was really easy, and make me feel like I am not alone. Life...
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when
When do things cross the point of no return?When do you reach the point at which a decision has been made, even if you haven't made a decision?I'm struggling tonight. about our remaining embryo. about...
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Winter Approaching
What a year it's been. I'll be glad to bid farewell to 2016 in the same way I counted the days until the end of 2009. But I'm surviving.My sister delivered her twins yesterday. They are simply...
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falling apart.
It's all falling apart. Tonight he told me that if I couldn't accept and love him, including his drinking, that I could move out. I told him that if he was serious about that then he should give our...
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Feeling SO MUCH Better
I spent this morning reading back through my posts of the past couple months. The timeline was much longer in my head, and I was thankful to have some of my thinking documented along with the dates...
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Shopping for Plus-Sized clothing Sucks
I will be attending a few high profile events next week that require me to wear professional attire. Normally this would be a challenge, because I am lucky enough to have a typical wardrobe of jeans...
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Regrets, Requests, Appreciations
AMENDS/REGRETSI want to make amends for:holding so much anger feeling so much betrayal about your decision to drink again.the fact that you had to take on so much of little Fox's care responsibilities...
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Asking for Too Much
What do I need Right Now?I need to be heard. I need to feel like I have an ally, someone on my side. I need to not be stuck in a tiny room full of fucked up energy all morning.I need to be in a healing...
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Fatalistic Thinking - on Mother's Day no less.
I cried the whole way to celebrate Mother's Day yesterday. It was a long drive, about an hour. It wasn't that I am not grateful for the little voice in the backseat that wouldn't stop talking, but I am...
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space to be devistated
SO I'm in this 'intensive outpatient hospital' program because I had what can best be described as a nervous breakdown after our chemical pregnancy. I am glad that it is not 12- step based and know...
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Giving as Addiction
My assignment yesterday was to answer a series of questions intended to get at the underlying issues of why we participate in addictive behaviors to distract us from our anxiety. I had a really hard...
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Cognitive Distortions -top 5, i mean 7.
My homework this last weekend was to identify the top five cognitive distortions I identify with and write about them. The Distortions that I most identify with are:Fallacy of Change - Expecting that...
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The Mountains
We made it to the mountains. I wanted it but didn't believe it would actually happen. But here I am, sitting on the deck, listening to the frogs sing songs of a winter gone by too quickly. Although I...
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an alternative treatment plan
I called in sick to the outpatient program today. I really just needed a break to catch my breath and be home by myself. I haven't been alone in over two months. It was so needed. It feels...
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